There’s a note in my phone titled “Ginger Bands.” When a song comes through the car speakers (it probably says something about how old I am that I really wanted to say ‘comes on the radio’ even though I haven’t listened to the ‘radio’ in probably five years), The Ginger – dry, sarcastic, pretty much pee your pants funny even on an off day – usually offers a one to five word commentary. I wait until he’s not looking and jot them into this document at stoplights. What follows is a collection of song titles/band names and The Ginger’s two cents which are always almost whispered in complete deadpan. Quiet, angsty deadpan. Like he doesn’t need anyone else to hear, he’s just amusing himself.
Hell on Heels/Pistol Annies – Hell on Earth. Piss in my ears.
The Weight/The Band – Most creative band name. Ever.
Gravedigger/Dave Matthews Band – Way to share the fame, bro. Douche.
All that She Wants/Ace of Base – Meh. C – minus of base.
We Are Young/Fun. – Can be a noun or an adjective. Neither of those constitute a complete sentence.
All the Things She Said/Tatu – I can’t believe they spent their Spelling Bee prize money producing this crap.
Beat on the Brat/The Ramones – Does Child Protective Services know about this?
Brand New Lover/Dead or Alive – Mostly Dead.
Days Go By/Dirty Vegas – Dirty and Vegas. Those two words mean the same thing.
The Devil Went Down to Georgia/The Charlie Daniels Band – Well, this makes Dave Matthews seem even lamer. He copied his lame band name idea from someone else.
Boom/P.O.D – P.O.S.
Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough/Michael Jackson – Oh, I got enough before you even started, thanks.
Blind/Korn – If you like corn so much, why don’t you learn to SPELL IT?
Dreaming/Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark – Pretentious much?
Friday I’m in Love/The Cure – The illness.
Blue Suede Shoes/Carl Perkins – Wait. What? Better than Elvis.
I Wish/Skee-lo – I wish this song was over.
I’m on Fire/AWOLNATION – No need to shout. Angst. We get it.
Pure Energy/Information Society – You wanna know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking you ask a lot of questions for a band called “Information Society.”
Is that All There Is/Peggy Lee – This chick needs Prozac.
Let’s Talk About Cars/Butthole Surfers – Butthole sniffers.
Mmmm Mmmm/Crash Test Dummies – I think the airbag hit his voice box.
Bawitdaba/Kid Rock – These aren’t even words. Dumb.