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Category Archives: confessions of the Weird and Unashamed
Today. . .
Today I lost my dog. Today I lost my dog. The heaviness of this sentence keeps echoing against the walls of my empty chest in utter disbelief. In the silent early hours of this morning, I lay on the hardwood … Continue reading
My REAL Resume
I am updating my resume. I’m not looking for a job, it’s just that sometimes, I like to sit down and put my accomplishments in writing. For me. Also, I am equally forgetful and prone to embellishment so I think … Continue reading
Posted in confessions of the Weird and Unashamed, Just Being Me
Tagged honest resume, humor, resume
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Facewash – A Parenting Play in Two Acts
Last evening, while unpacking a bag of toiletries from the store. . . . Me: Hey, boys. Put this in your shower and use it on your face. The Ginger: Um, I don’t think so. It’s kind of inappropriate looking. … Continue reading
What Brings the Boys to the Yard?
Let’s be clear about something. Shakes should be made of ice cream. Only of ice cream. Not of protein, not of yogurt, not of fruit. Ice. Cream. I don’t want to see the nutrition information on a liquid that you … Continue reading
DC Calling
Generally, I’m a Marvel girl. It’s nothing personal, really, I just find the cast of characters more interesting. The lynchpin has always been the DC cornerstones of Superman and Batman–Superman with his super irritating clean-cut incessant goody-two shoes bumbling and … Continue reading
The Affair Continues
For anyone who is following the progress of my affair with Shuffle, I wanted to let you know that he is in full Valentine week woo. Saturday, when faced with the grueling task of completing my long run on the … Continue reading
The Run Playlist and My New Affair (Bad Words)
Alright. I’m saying it out loud. In writing. I. Was. Wrong. I have MF’d the iTunes Genius (or lack thereof) and the “random” shuffle feature on my Big Brother Apple devices for years. I mean, NOBODY can design a playlist … Continue reading
Cereal Killer
When I was a child, cereal was an integral part of my life. Assured by advertisers that it was “part of a balanced breakfast,” (I guess I assumed that the remaining parts were hidden in the milk and under the … Continue reading
Watched TV Today
Women in perfume ads look at perfume bottles the same way that I look at great food. Until they come up with a perfume that smells like steak, warm brownies and ice cold beer, you wont see me getting PG-13 … Continue reading
Posted in confessions of the Weird and Unashamed, Just Being Me, Uncategorized
Tagged perfume ads
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Playdate at Ralphie’s House
It’s easy to love A Christmas Story. Even if you don’t love Christmas, the movie speaks to either a childhood that you had or one that you longed for. An amazing blend of a uniquely American holiday experience, a coming … Continue reading
J-E-L-L-OOOOO!
Prior to my off the cuff stop in to the Jello museum in Le Roy, New York, I knew a few things about Jell-O. I knew, for instance, that Jell-O is a colloidal protein and that the protein chains require … Continue reading
That Time I Almost Peed on the Rug
There are fourteen two story outhouses in the United States. Fourteen. I’ve seen a few. I’m not going to say that “See All 14 Two Story Outhouses” is on my bucket list, but I’m also not prone to missing an … Continue reading
Kidnapped a Friend
I have kidnapped a friend. I think that I’d be great at improv, because when I commit, I COMMIT. My great friend just hit U.S. soil after a long deployment somewhere unsavory (or very savory–depends on your point of view, … Continue reading
Posted in confessions of the Weird and Unashamed, Just Being Me, Travel, Weird America
Tagged A Christmas Story House, Angel Was Here Monument, Betty Beaver Gas Station, I90 Road Trip, Jell-o Museum, New York Road Trip, Niagara Falls, Road Trip, Road Trip USA, To Do on I90 New York, Travel, Two Story Outhouse
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Ridiculous. Squared.
I’m prone to exaggerate. It’s fine, I’ve come to terms with it. But I’m also kind of a magnet for the ridiculous. Which I’ve come to embrace. The trouble happens when something truly DELICIOUSLY ridiculous happens to me but, because … Continue reading
Dash Away Fall
The leaves have mostly fallen from the trees. The hangers-on are starting to look a little forlorn–like desperate girls still at the bar for last call, vibrating with an embarrassing hope that it is hard to look at. In deference … Continue reading
Exhibit A, Your Honor
Sometimes I’m not sure it’s going to work out after all. I mean, we have been together 20 years, but sometimes my beloved says stuff that makes me wonder. Take this afternoon, for instance, I was casually mentioning to my … Continue reading
Chicken Polo?
Yesterday, passing by a beautiful farm with a sign out front that read, “Polo Lessons” The Giant–Chicken lessons? What is this? The Colonel Sanders Culinary Institute? How can they remember 11 original proprietary spices if they can’t figure out how … Continue reading
In Memorandum
Toby “Fat Man” Eikleberry died Wednesday, August 19, 2015 after finally succumbing to forces of nature when when a long held crack in his butt separated from his tang and fell dramatically into a grill basket full of asparagus. He … Continue reading
Posted in confessions of the Weird and Unashamed, Just Being Me, Lick the Bowl
Tagged chefs knife, cooking humor, knife love
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Everything
I love the “everything” part of an everything bagel. I love it so much that, when I’m done smooshing the bagel part into my mouth and notice the “everything” that’s been left behind on the plate, I suck the remaining … Continue reading
Posted in confessions of the Weird and Unashamed, Just Being Me
Tagged bagel, Everything bagel
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The Dishwasher is Evil
My children have been on vacation for a week and today marks the third–THIRD time that I have had to unload the dishwasher. With my OWN HANDS! I have also been forced to WASH the dishes and get up from … Continue reading
theheartbreakofabeautifullife 